Sugar doggy and the drug bust
An eye-in-the-sky helicopter hovered above us, whipping up a dust storm and blinding us in it’s spotlight
like two rabbits against the car bonnet.
I heard a thud on the roof and the limo shook and started to leave the ground. If it was aliens I prayed
that they used anaesthetic. The engine revved wildly then abruptly shut down.
‘Please remain seated. This vehicle is now under the control of the South Australian Police Department.’
‘What is this?’ I shouted, but the masked officer just grunted. Finally the helicopter rose up and away.
‘Suck on this,’ another officer said, ramming a piece of plastic into my mouth. Then I realised what this
was - a random drug test. I’d heard about them on the news. ‘Keep sucking until I tell you to stop.’ I
sucked so hard that the piece of plastic went over my tongue and down my neck.
‘We got a choker here,’ the officer called out, as I gagged, desperately trying to winch the piece of
plastic back up. His partner came up from behind and squeezed my stomach so hard that the drug tester shot
out, along with some of the contents of the limo’s mini-bar.
‘I hate this job,’ he said.
‘Sorry ’bout that.’
‘Okay, sir. You realise that this is a drug test. Anything you lick may be given in evidence. The whole
process will take about five minutes. If we don’t find the correct drugs in your system you’re facing a
fine of $300 dollars and the loss of three demerit points.’
‘But officer, I wasn’t planning to drive tonight. We were being attacked - the car malfunctioned - I had
to take over. This won’t happen again.’
My pleas were rudely ignored.
‘Heard it all before. You know the rules mate, all drivers on public roads …’
‘..must take the safe-driving cocktail. Yeah, yeah. Drive without drugs - bloody idiot. I’ve seen the
ads.’
‘We’re just trying to keep road rage off the roads,’ the officer smiled. Ali was little help - he was
keeping a low profile, hoping the sugar doggy sniffing around the car wouldn’t pick up ….too late, the
dog started yapping.
‘We got traces of sugar in the limo, Will. High grade, white stuff. Crystal sucrose, it looks like,’ he
said, dabbing a finger on the tip of his tongue.
‘The wrong sort of drugs, eh? Well, well.’
‘Two wells. It’s a hired limo. What do you expect? You don’t think we …You do think we… Ali, tell them
about it. Ali! Ali?’
‘Spread your legs, put your hands against the bonnet, citizen.’
